It starts to feel like there’s a fire in your stomach, raging through all your insides. 

You want to put that fire out by throwing water at it but it just made it worse 

You hold the cushion so hard and so close the cushion starts to lose it’s fluff and shaped into the bones wrapping your intenstins

You want to scream but the pain scares your throat and left you craving for more fuel to that fire

You try to play it cool, trick it down 

While sit in the pool of your regrets 

As if you were the one who should be leaving

As if your body is just vessel 

It’s still soaring, from this corner to that corner

Till it ravishes all surfaces and wants more 

The pills 

They don’t work 

How can you expect placebo to work when you placed your whole faith and hope upon its non existing arms

But you know

When it feels better

When it goes away

When the only shaking left is sweats marking your forehead vanishing into thin air

And you feel that sense of clarity

The pain lingers 

Imaginatively 

Creating the void of high between mental and physical contradiction 

And you will start to wonder if the saboteur is worth all these efforts 

The pain robs your experience, sensory of everything, and the music you savored suddenly doesn’t have it power any longer 

You don’t know whether you should blame it

Or yourself for spoiling it